Just a few thoughts

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Monday, February 13, 2012

I Am Dork, Hear Me Meow

I've been thinking about my BOS a lot lately, especially the ways I can customize it (such as doodles, borders, lettering, etc.). While thinking about this earlier today, after looking at some scrap booked pages in other people's BOS online, a very strange idea struck me. Now before I tell you about this, lets get a few things straight lol. First of all, I have NO IDEA where the heck I would use this in my BOS lol. Probably on a page dealing with children related topics, or maybe as part of a page about transitioning from a little girl to a little woman/first menses... I have no idea. Second, I am not a girly person. I like makeup and nail art, and that's about it. I want to be a makeup artist at some point (probably as a side job while I work as an aesthetician), always have, so I think obsessing over makeup kind of comes along with that goal. So, that out of the way, this is the idea that struck me:

My Hello Kitty stickers... Go ahead, laugh. I really am considering a Hello Kitty themed page in my BOS. These are those "nicer" stickers that are layered, know what I mean? Since I had that idea, I've had some ideas for a journal so maybe I'll just use it for a journal page, but it definitely got my creative juices flowing, that's for sure. My initial reaction to that thought was, "What the HELL are you THINKING?!" and then I responded to myself with, "Well, it's a new idea, isn't it?" And so it continued until I reached the, "Hmm, well, I can see your point...maybe...I'll think about it," point.

So there's at least one of my insanely random thoughts of the day lol. Blessed Be, guys )O(

Friday, February 10, 2012

Lions and Tigers and Gods, Oh My!

This is another blog from while I was MIA.

Lions and Tigers and Gods, Oh My!

I have no idea why this particular...quirk... I observed in a “Wiccan” I met about two years ago has been bothering me so much lately, but I can't get it out of my head once again. First of all, let me state that I live in the middle of nowhere. Actually, if you get to The Middle of Nowhere and take a left towards Hell, you'll find me somewhere in that barren wasteland. Ok, ok, maybe it isn't THAT bad, but if you've seen Wrong Turn, Deliverance, etc., you have a great idea of the area I'm imprisoned in (just add a Walmart in a nearby town). So anyway, being a Pagan and pracitcing Witch in a Bible thumping area in the backwoods isn't exactly easy. You have to keep it to yourself because there ARE still people here who would LOVE a good Witch BBQ with the family to make sure that their children aren't contaminated by Satan's mistresses or something. I am not joking about that, it really isn't safe to declare a religion besides Christianity around here. Atheists don't take as much grief as they used to, but it's still no walk in the park. So imagine my joy when I discovered someone I worked with was a Wiccan!

Now I'm the first to correct someone when they lump me amongst the Wiccans, because I am NOT a Wiccan nor have I claimed to be for quite some time now (yes, for a while I did for lack of a more fitting description of my beliefs, but I've changed a LOT since then). Still, meeting another Pagan was the highlight of my week at the time. She informed me that she was studying with an older man who had been raised Wiccan by his mother or grandmother. After talking to him about me, then talking to me some about him, she had him call me while she was visiting him one evening and apparently I just blew his mind by how well I read him over the phone (just general stuff about his personality and life, it was only a 5 minute conversation after all), so he wanted to meet me. Yay! Right?

I drove to his house later that evening, by which point my friend had left. But, several people knew where I was going and how long I should be gone, etc., so I wasn't concerned about being alone with this guy. I get there and he starts blabbing and trying to make me feel more comfortable (apparently I was nervous and didn't realize I was giving off tense vibes). I listened to him go on and on about energy and all kinds of other things and it wasn't a complete waste of time. I shocked him some more with the way I handled energy in my “untrained state,” etc. Whatever. But then he went a little too far. Apparently he ended up mistaking my disbelief for ignorance or stupidity when he made the blanket statement that “Pagan” meant “country dweller/peasant” (well, shit man, look around you! If this ain't country and the land of the peasants, I don't know what is in the modern day US!), couldn't possibly have evolved over the past few centuries, and that to be what I considered “Pagan” (Wiccans, Druids, etc.), one MUST be a Wiccan. Anything else was bullshit, fake, etc. Now that wasn't his exact wording, but that was basically what he said, summed up.

I was dumbstruck. I had encountered people online who disliked the term “Pagan” because of it's original meaning, but they never went so far as to tell people that Wicca (or whatever they practiced) was the only real term to cover so many different groups of people. That's like saying that you can't use the term “White” or “Caucasian” to describe all white people, they are ALL Irish. Yeah, right.

So, after my lesson in how he obviously knows me better than myself, he showed my something from a former spell. A spell he concocted to try to bring about the death of someone if they didn't uphold their end of some deal, or some such bull shit. Ok, so you're “Wiccan,” but it's ok for you to kill someone if you don't get your way (by using your super powerful, awesome spell created by you, the super powerful ruler of all of Wicca) and you know absolutely nothing about Gerald Gardner, or anyone else who helped shape history, except Crowley. Hmm... Right... Anyway, on this page for the spell, there were names of several Deities. He asked if I recognized any of the twelve (I think it was twelve) and I started naming the ten that I definitely knew something about. He stopped me after Hekate with a look of horror, then explained (as you would to a two year old reaching for a hot stove top) that you can't EVER say a Deity's name aloud except during ritual.

I'm not saying that it's impossible to conjure up something you don't want to (like bad energy), but I really don't think we're so significant in the grand scheme of things to have the power to instantly call a Deity into our presence by simply saying their name. If that were the case, the world would be drastically different. I don't believe it's necessary to throw yourself on your face and grovel to a Deity for them to take notice of you, but just saying a name instantly makes them appear to smite you? Eh, I don't see it. I mean, if you're focusing on calling their energy to you for some purpose, sure. But just saying it? I don't buy it. If that were the case, I'd probably have been killed long ago.

Let this be a warning for those of you who have yet to encounter your own crazy local “Pagan.” Just because you stand in a garage, you are not a car. Likewise, just because someone calls himself/herself a Pagan or Witch, doesn't make them so.

Randomness from My Absence

I'm not sure what's been going on with me lately. Maybe it has something to do with the HPV and possible cancer scare and all that, maybe it's just my spiritual development, but I've been changing a lot over the past few months. By the way, just to update:
I had a colposcopy and they did find a spot on my cervix. A biopsy was taken and I just got the results back, and I'm fine.

Anyway...

I started feeling like something was changing a few months ago. Maybe October, maybe earlier. It really hit me in the face when I was in a shop in the nearest mall with my BFF. We were sort of shopping, but mostly I was lusting after all the nifty stuff I couldn't buy lol. I like that store. It's the closest thing to an “open minded” atmosphere anywhere around here. A few Green Man things distracted me and I found myself drifting towards them for a closer look. It was like a magnetic pull and I couldn't even turn my eyes away. Something about that moment and seeing an image of the God caused a voice in my head or spirit or something to, not so much hear but sense the idea that the male aspects of Deity are going to be making a reappearance in my life soon. I haven't intentionally excluded the male aspect from my life, I've tried several times to find a connection, it just wasn't there. I think that's normal for people. Sometimes you need the Goddess more, sometimes you need the God more. So, instead of being frustrated I decided to bide my time and see what happened.

With our lack of internet over the past few weeks, I've submerged myself in books once more. In 2011 I read around 80, give or take a few. This year, I've already put away 11 (not a record or anything, but last year I hadn't read 10 by April lol) and something about some of what I've been reading has been nudging some concept in my subconscious (like Soldier of the Mist and Soldier of Arete). Even my tastes in food is changing. This is so frustrating trying to pin down exactly what's going on and even more so to try to explain it. It's like you're driving down the road and you know your turn is coming up soon, but you don't know which side of the road it's on or how far away it is, you just know it's there ahead, somewhere. Maybe you don't even have any idea why you're going there, or what your destination is, or what you'll find when you arrive. But once you do, you know you'll understand everything that's been eluding you on this particular road, if that makes sense.

I had a “cosmic frying pan to the head” moment twice this past week. The first concerned the “entity” that was here when we moved in and an event that occurred something like 3 years ago. I won't go into details, it isn't that fascinating. The second involved the three-way crossroads. Hekate's Crossroads, if you know what I'm talking about. I hadn't put much thought into the symbolism of that until that moment, probably because I had no idea what the hell a three-way crossroads was until I looked it up on my phone. I should have known what it was, but I just didn't think about it too much. When I saw an image, it hit me. A weird mash up of thoughts of my own and Robert Frost's poem The Road Not Taken suddenly exploded in my head and I realized that it might refer to when our life reaches a crossroads where there are three options. Stay put and die, or choose a road.

Now these roads may not be like Mr. Frost's, with one being more traveled and the other not traveled as often, and therefore more difficult, but they will more than likely lead you in different directions. The end result might be the same, but the journeys will not be.

I have no idea why that struck me like it did, or why it happened then, and I couldn't even begin to write about all my thoughts concerning the matter. To most people, it was probably something obvious and I'm probably an idiot for not thinking more about it. Anyway, I'm just in a blogging mood tonight.

I think my tarot cards are going to attack me again soon if I don't pull them out. Usually at the beginning of the year I do a life spread, but this year I couldn't even force myself to do it. I knew that my results would be off because of the stress I was under, so I put it off. I decided to do it after my colposcopy, but that got pushed to the end of this month, and then they found the spot. Even though I'm not worried about it very much, it just doesn't seem right to do a reading like that at this time. I swear I can almost feel my cards screaming obscenities at me each time I pass them, and I'm sure our reunion will be tear filled and poetic, but for now they are staying put until my head is clear enough to not skew my reading and see nothing but bad omens in every image.

Until next time lovies, hoping your lives are filled with awesomeness and joy.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

I'm back!

Hey everyone! I'm so sorry for the sudden disappearance in November! Sheesh it's been too long. I'm so thankful for those of you who have stuck around, though, and for any new subscribers. I had some blogs typed up on my computer during my absence, but I'm not sure what I will and will not post. I've been changing (in a good way, I think) over the past few months (since before the internet fiasco), so my blog may slowly reflect that, who knows?

I suppose I should explain what happened lol.

We had internet through our last ISP for about a year. When we got it, our rate was just under $30/month. Well, in November our bill doubled with no warning and no explanation. That was just their new rate that they put out. I thought it might just be us, but no. A TON of people who have/had cable and/or internet through their company have been complaining because their rates suddenly doubled and sometimes even tripled with no warning or explanation given. Needless to say, they're losing business now. But, we finally found a new ISP with comparable speed, better customer service, and faster uploads (which comes in really handy for me with my YouTube channel) for just a little more than we were paying for our old ISP in the beginning. And no, this wasn't a case of "introductory rates" or anything like that, we checked our original contract and when we got them, my husband read ALL the fine print and asked questions about it. It wasn't an introductory rate. There are some people around here who have had cable through that company for years and are now paying for the absolute most basic package, what they were paying a year or so ago for the biggest package. It's ridiculous and I'm surprised no one has sued yet.

Anyway, I'm back and I wanted to thank you guys for sticking around and let you know that I missed you all!