Just a few thoughts

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Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Ostara

I rarely actually celebrate a Sabbat, and today is no different.  I actually had intentions of letting my daughter do some Ostara themed crafts with me (she's way too young to do them alone), but I really lost track of time. It's been a busy week for my family, and because I'm not really a Spring/Summer person and this winter has been more Spring-like than Winter-like, I'm not really in the "Celebrate Ostara!" mood.

Ostara was the first Sabbat I ever celebrated on my own, 3 years ago. Well, not on my own really, since my husband was there. It was a nice, crisp and cool day and that evening we walked to the park and then just enjoyed the breeze, the returning ducks and other critters, the budding leaves, etc. It was nice.

Though I've held Pagan beliefs as far back as I can remember, after the passing of my grandfather I went through a rough patch. I was 18, newly married and pregnant, and all around spiritually confused (because of my past with my family, in a Christian home and my newfound freedom as a legal adult) and miserable. I basically went through an "atheist phase" where I couldn't believe there was a higher power because of how badly he suffered at the end. I hate saying "atheist phase" because I know that, like Paganism and being Goth, Atheism isn't really a phase, but I can't think of any other way to put that.

Basically, I was finally free to quietly practice whatever religion I wanted, and it was a beautiful Ostara day. The next year, and since then, the winters grew milder and spring became an early summer and I grew to sort of hate this time of year. I hate the heat, once temperatures go over 60-65 (and today it's supposed to be 80, which 5 years ago was nearly unheard of here in March), and I lost any warm and fuzzy feelings I had once held about Ostara.

I say once again that I am not Wiccan. I am very Eclectic and I celebrate what feels right to me to celebrate. I do celebrate Samhain, usually Yule, and a couple other Sabbats throughout any given year, but I celebrate other "special days" as well.

So if you're ever wondering why I don't do a big, elaborate post for the Sabbats, that's why. If I don't feel strongly enough about one to celebrate it, I'm not going to do a blog telling about it, how I celebrate it, etc.

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